pj's message today about darkness hit home. this morning before church, i was just about to fall into it all over again: depression. it's not really something you "fall into", but it felt like i was just two breaths away from letting it take over me again like last year.
i still feel like it's very, very close. the thing about fighting against depression is that, once you're in it, or are getting "into" it, you have no hope about ever winning. so you give up, cause it's all to no use anyway. it's so self-defeating, so deadly, so deceiving.
i really do wish spring and summer would come sooner. winter just has never been a good season for me. EVER. i really don't understand what it is about this time of year that just makes things so much harder than it should.
one of the things about satan is that, once he gets a foothold on you, he does all he can to keep it there. and for the past 2-3 weeks, i've just let him do just that. i just let him.
darkness begets darkness. the longer you let it sit within you, the greater hold it's going to have on you. i didn't bother to take care of things when i should have rebuked them ASAP, and these things have slowly sapped my life away, to the point where i have started entering dangerous waters by asking myself, "what's the point? does it all matter? do i matter?"
.:.:.:.:.
i've heard it a million times before, but it didn't hit me until now (and i'm glad that i realize it now). for all that work darkness puts in to take over a part of your heart, once light enters, it doesn't stand a chance. once light shines, it's OVER.
have you ever seen a shadow wrestle with the light?
when you turn on the light in a dark, dark room, does the darkness resist? could it resist?
i need that kind of total, overwhelming, complete victory.
i need to claim it.
help me, jesus, cause i just can't do this myself.
dayseized post 9.
