it's been so long

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars, I see someone else.

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself.

[Stars - Switchfoot]

can't wait. yay for desertlands.

several emotions

have been sloshing back and forth, ranging from high to low to light to heavy to clear to muddled to hollow to dense to peaceful to overwhelming to restful to destabilizing to red to green to yellow to dark blue to gray to green again and then back to blue.

i don't really know how to respond, but one thing i know:

jesus is pretty crazy amazingly unpredictable and incomprehensible.

dangit i don't get you.

thank u jesus

i now have a legit reason to go try out different restaurants like, all the time. tis my internship.

now i need financial backing to finance all those lunches/deenars. part-time job i go!

off of papi's facebook.

"강하다"는 것은 "약함"을 아는 것,
to be strong is to know weakness,

"약하다"는 것은 "겁을 내는" 것
to be weak is to be afraid,

"겁을 내는" 것은 "소중한 것이 있다"는 것
to be afraid is to have something dear to you,

"소중한 것이 있다"는 것은 "강하다"는 것.
to have something dear to you is to be strong.

yeah.

3.71 sounds so much better than 3.69. :p

jesus gave me A's for two of the classes i thought i was,
no kidding, on the verge of failing.

if i failed either one, i would have to scramble for a class to take for summer school, which starts...next week.

every morning this week, i checked bearfacts to see my final grades, frantic with anxiety that i would have to make a plan B.

(not that i even have a plan A right now...but at least it was NOT to take any more classes.)

...and wednesday morning, i woke up to quite a surprise. it took a while for my groggy self to really process it.

GRACE.

jesus let me finish my majors with a 3.675 and a 3.877.

thank you JESUS.

honestly?

i want to punch someone in the face.
and not just anyone.
a specific someone.

i can't wait til its over.

it begins now.

i commit to...

delight myself in the LORD,
to commit my way to Him,
to trust in Him with all my heart,
to lean not on my own understanding,
and to acknowledge Him in my ways.

...and He will give me the desires of my heart,
and make my paths straight.

[psalm 37:4-5, proverbs 3:5-6]

so i guess...

that's that.

sometimes i don't understand...

why u do the things u do.

mama in germany

"Any direction you turn your face, you would find the Master's touch in nature and in great efforts of artistic human hands over a couple of thousands of years."

copied out of her email to my sister and me. i didn't even know that her english was THIS good. :p

anyway. i am my mama's daughter. :)

so it begins.

parental pressure.

扉の向こうにはどんな世界があるだろう。

is vs. ought

the things i learn from school:

Philosopher Immanuel Kant distinguishes the difference between the a posteriori and the a priori:

a posteriori - connected to experience.
a priori - connected to rational reflection; is not dependent on experience, but seeks what is necessary (what must or should be done).

this resembles the difference between is and ought:
is - refers to how things are now, in this particular moment, to the current reality, the real world.
ought - refers to how things should be, the ideal.

if one's decisions are based on the is ("that's just the way things are"), one's decisions remain in the current reality; nothing would change because one is acting within the existing system.

but, if one's decisions are based on the ought ("this is not how things are now, but how things should be"), one's decisions has the potential of transforming reality.

this change is not instantaneous, but incremental, and it may be unlikely that one will see the results within one's lifetime.

BUT

should one resist giving into how things are in the present moment in pursuit of how things could be, striving for and acting according to one's ideal vision or dream for the future, even if it seems foolish or naive, even if it takes forever, even if it's completely implausible, even if it's impossible to the world?

should one cling onto the sliver of possibility that,
against all odds, something will change?

is this not hope? is this not being reckless for the Kingdom?


we may never reap what we sow in our lifetime.
others may benefit from our hard labor and toil.

nevertheless, will we continue to sow?


Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. [Galatians 6:9]

jealousy

...was/is at the root of a lot of my problems.

...and what a mess it's caused.




no more of that crap. :p