remind me to never adblock gmail again. =.=a

An American in Paris

mmmm that gyro was soooooo goooooodddd. :) SO worth it.
came home with it 10:29pm. killed it by 10:40pm.
RIP, yo. you served me well. :)

how to describe today? like my other sabbaths, it was full of unexpecteds. last night, as i was thinking about what to do today (something that i was not supposed to do, but did anyway. :p), i figured that i would probably end up going to either iv or livingwater large group. i did neither. rather, i ended up going to the university symphony orchestra concert (yay LH!! :D).

after playing some guitar (and learning how to play "shadow" by warren barfield...what a song!! :D), getting a large cup of coffee at a cafe on bancroft and finishing "life of the beloved" by henri nouwen, i went to the ticketbox of the concert hall to get meself in. (yay for student prices!! $5! what a deal!! :D)

it turns out i was the first one there, so i had the luxury of picking WHATEVER seat i wanted. i sat (DEAD CENTER, mind you :D) for a good half hour, and as people started trickling in, i imagined what the coming two hours would bring. i got all excited and my heart started beating faster (...then again, it might have been the coffee. :p).

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and this is how the concert went:

1. 'practice' by edmund campion.
the first piece of the night. caught me off-guard, as this was like 12 minutes of straight-up what-the-heck-is-this. it sounded like a whole bunch of random noise instead of a well-constructed musical piece...which, it turns out, was exactly the point. :p according to the concert program: "practice opens with a cinematic flare as the orchestra explodes into a noise-filled scene. old forms of expression wash by as the music cyclically erupts into new configurations. fleeting and ungainly musical surfaces drown in a sea of rehearsing musicians (hence, 'practice')."

i suppose this is music. wayyyyy over my head, but whatever.
it's cool. as a total classical music noob, i guess i'll just deal with whatever goes. :p

2. 'an american in paris' by george gershwin.
the only gershwin song i knew was 'rhapsody in blue', but i was pretty excited for this one. and i was not disappointed. that was some GOOD stuff!! :) the way gershwin could tell stories through music....mang. that's something. :) (tap into the youtube clips at the end!! :D)

3. 'ameriques' by edgard varese.
another dude i didn't know. his piece was pretty weird too. i'm not too into percussion or brass instruments, but considering it was a piece about new discoveries...i guess it's ok. :p

4. 'la valse' by maurice ravel.
i've heard some ravel before, so it was cool to hear the familiar style in this piece. i forgot to read the program for this piece beforehand as i did for the others, so i didn't know what it was about, but i still enjoyed it nevertheless. :)

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throughout the whole concert i was thinking about what to write on this blog. i jotted down a whole bunch of things that i thought were UBER profound (astoundly AMAZING btw :D), but as it turns i've written a whole bunch of things already, i'll spare you and write about just one thing:

an orchestra is experienced at its fullest glory
when the listener is actively engaged.

in other words, if the listener isn't really paying attention, the most he will get out of the performance is to just have pretty notes go in one ear and out the other. the greater his attention, the more saturated his experience. i suppose it's the difference between hearing and listening.

i noticed this as i wavered in and out of attention (the coffee was starting to wear off :p). when i was paying attention, the music was OMG SO GOOD sgjsldkfjsldfjjldfjsdfldfj (and not in terms of level of skill, cause i don't know such things :p), but when i was distracted with other thoughts, the music was still good, but it wasn't as. capiche? :p

anyway. to translate this into christianese. :)

God's presence is experienced at its fullest glory
when you are paying attention.

for sure, God is present in your life, but do you notice it?
for sure, God is doing something in your life, but are you paying attention?

be engaged. be immersed. listen actively. once you do, you will experience something so much more glorious from the Divine Symphony than if you were to just settle as a simple passerby.

don't settle for less when there's so much more you can receive,
when there's so much more God offers.

it'll blow the caps off your mind. :)


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just fo you. gershwin's 'rhapsody in blue' put into animation by disney for fantasia 2000 (which is AWESOME btw. i heart and recommend!! :D).



and part 2.

i don't have a lot of time to write cause i got's to study for my test today, but i should at least just write this down.

last night was the first time i didn't go to small group this whole school year (fine. maybe it was the second time. :p). anyway. i felt a little off-balance. i got a lot of work done last night, but things just felt a little different to walk home from anywhere between 7 to 9 (it never happens nowadays. or EVER. :p).

eh. maybe i'm coping. patience.

i hate triggers.

yet another line...

...down my screen. sigh. dearest laptop, your day of expiration draws nearer and nearer. tear. :'(


"The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."
.................................................................. [John 6:29]

i've had the pleasure of reading through John since last week.
(OMG IT'S SO GOOD lskjaljglsdjfksjfsdkfjdskjgalkjdfljsdkffd!!! ._.)

ahem. today's portion included this verse, which was Jesus' response to the crowd's question, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"

Jesus answered,
"The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

that's it. that is IT. what must we do? believe.

God has a plan set out for each of us, many of which seem to be beyond us, beyond our abilities, beyond our capabilities. but chillax!! He provides. He will take care of all we need when we set out to do what He has planned for us. (this includes fundraising for Nic, for ya'll still antsy about those letters. ;D)

if you're doing what God wants you to do, He will provide for all you need. (remember Matthew 6:33? "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

sure, He may delay provision to grow your faith. but still in the end, He will provide.

there's no reason for Him not to.

so what must we do? believe. just believe. believe..."in the one he has sent."

"treasured possession".

last night, my small group reflected on these words and expressed ourselves through art.

nothing came into mind at first. i mean, of course, family, friends, church, school, passions and a whole bunch of other things ARE important, but none of them quite fit that category for me. STRANGE, i know. i wondered for a bit, but still couldn't quite figure it out.

meanwhile, i decided to draw a treasure chest, hoping that something will eventually come up.

then something from sunday came to mind: "you are standing on holy ground because you are God's temple, and God's Spirit dwells in you."

...i am God's temple and His Spirit dwells in me.

i drew the image that came to mind:



almost everyone else drew things like family, friends, church and so on. i almost felt kinda dumb and all "sunday school" that i put the Holy Spirit as my treasured possession.

...but, hey. that's what came up. :p

lent 2009. don't go to sleep past 1.

it's weird how our bodies are kinda like rechargeable batteries. :p

me? i'm still at 60%. back to napping! :)

God gives you enough hours in a day
to do what He's set for you to do.

...if you find yourself running out of time all the time, that probably means that you're taking on something He didn't intend for you in the first place.

empty your plates and enjoy what He has to give you.

so. 2 AM and she calls me 'cause i'm still awake
can you help me unravel my latest mistake
i don't love him. winter just wasn't my season...

...distracted from even writing a post. gosh. :p


anyway. i was kinda on track for my school reading and all, but i realized that i haven't written anything about today...almost moved on with my life without giving God the credit for something amazing that is still going on today.

i went back to my old church today. honestly, i planned on going back home simply to pass out support letters for nic, but as i started writing personal notes at the end of each letter, i realize...God has done some work in me during my time at RY. although God has stretched me oh-so-much this past year through livingwater, q&a, iv, and the millions of other things occupying everyday of my oh-so-exciting-kinda-crazy life, i realize that my roots come from richmond.

during my period of depression over winter break, i've deliberately taken down things on my wall that i thought had been up there past their expiration date. such was an attempt for me to move on from the things that i had considered irrelevant, unimportant for the life i live now. i took down whatever was related to richmond, whatever was related to hannah, whatever was related to last year. it was hard. i didn't leave on bad terms (in fact, my youth pastor and the teachers prayed blessing over me for this change), but i was bitter because i felt that, since i left richmond, i had no more home to go back to during the holidays while otheres were able to go back to their hometowns and homechurches. i cried, in frustration, in sorrow, in loneliness.

...but i now understand that as i take things off my wall, God makes room for greater things yet to come. as i look at the funny-looking empty patches on my wall, i imagine it becoming a space for God to fill - space that only HE should fill. such a thought gives me hope. i'm not so discouraged anymore.

my time at richmond and my past experiences are not irrelevant or "expired"; they are simply internalized in me - they live in me, in a sense. my life from those points on are just extensions of these very experiences; because of what i had gone through in the past, i am able to be who i am, how i am, when i am, where i am.


i suppose my "wall" helps me to process the things that are going on in my life; once i've "processed" them, there is no longer a need for me to keep them on my wall as reminders, because they are now a part of me.

so, i will continue making space on my wall by taking down things,
in great expectation that God will fill them with what is better.




...but (as things with God often go) there isn't just one side to this story. yes, God has done crazy works in me this past year (and yes, there is a lot left to be done) but it wasn't only in me that God had been moving.

when i came to richmond today, i had preconceptions of how things were going to be. my mom had told me that a lot of things have changed since i left - that the youth group was about twice the size, that two of the teachers are now in a relationship, that two of the teachers (now married for 1.5 years) are about to have a baby, that the sixth graders are now the largest class, that the youth group started having prayer walks at albany high, that the ethnic breakdown of the youth group was becoming more heterogeneous and less Korean, and so on.

i knew about these changes, since i've heard a lot about them.

...but things are different when you see changes for yourself.

when i went into the youth building this morning, i saw all that i had heard about times ten. the building that housed thirty kids when i left richmond was now too small to hold everyone for sunday service. by the time i left, there were only about two or three non-korean students that came out infrequently; now there are enough non-korean kids (chinese, japanese, mongolian, etc.) that makes it unfeasible for the pastor to preach in korean anymore. most of the youth used to be kids of parents who themselves attended richmond; now, half of the kids are those whose parents don't come to this church (or any church, for that matter), but who came at the invitation of their friends (and that's something). there is a talk among the pastor and youth teachers that the youth group might have to be split in two - middle school/high school.

i knew about these changes. but i didn't really know.

it was uncomfortable when i first went into that building. i knew less than 20% of the kids there. a lot of the kids i was closer to left for college or went back to korea. i was uncomfortable because things were different.

but then i realize: if you come back to a church just to find it exactly the same as when you had left...isn't there something wrong with that picture?

things were different. very different. but in a good way. in a great way. in a BIG way.


...i underestimated the magnitude of God's grace and the size of God's hands. DANG. ._.


it was painful to leave richmond, the church i've grown up in all my life. i won't go into detail about how i ended up changing churches (i want to make sure i get some sleep tonight. :p perhaps that will come in a future post.), but i suppose what God wanted to tell me today was, "i have it all here, in my hands, and in my hands they are going to stay. and in my hands they are going to transform, for my Kingdom, for my glory."


what an awesome God we serve. :)


shoutout to jdsn, jonathan, eunice, helen, daniel, michelle, jaeho, miga, and tom. you are a reminder that God works in ways that are way beyond what we can imagine.

god's taste for people to put in my life is AMAZING.

...ly funny. :)

sigh. i hate overnapping. WHY GOD WHY???? =.=

i love how my mom tried so hard to explain a pun
and ended with "네버가 마인드다". (translation: never the mind.) :)

we'll see how this works.

blogger is definitely different from xanga. i feel like xanga takes too much effort to use, even though it's basically the same thing. i wonder why that is. :p

BUT, i don't really want to abandon xanga altogether. so. i suppose i'll have to figure out how to sync them together? :p

anyway. i'm totally not used to this write-out-your-thoughts-in-sentence-form thing, so i hope i'll have patience with myself and see what God has to show me through this new medium of worship.

...speaking of which. i think my primary medium of worship is silence (hence the blog title). how ironic, since it's what i've been running away from all my life. sigh. God. you's a funny. :)

so. a question out to you: what is your medium of worship?