i heart my small group!! :D

today's bible study was about honoring your parents. each one of us went around sharing about our relationships with our parents, specifically about our relationships with our mothers and with our fathers individually. i was one of the first people to share, so i shared my portion (being aware of how much time i was spending) and popcorned off to the next person. but as time went on and as i listened to the other girls share, i realize that i had much, much more to share about my relationship with my parents.

i think the reason why i'm able to dream and have a heart of a child today in this harshly realistic world is because...i never had the chance to be one. as i took a drive after sg to pray and to just sit in silence and listen, God revealed to me why i am who i am now. i realize that i never allowed myself to enjoy the things around me, to be in wonder and in awe at the things that seem so trivial to the "grown-up" mind. having moved around several times and experiencing heartache from losing friends even when i had finally settled down in berkeley, i was bitter. this bitterness took root in my heart from such an early age, from when i was in kindergarten, bypassing all those years of what could have been my childhood.

looking back on this, it's no wonder why the notion of being a child is so new and refreshing to this "post-child" soul.

i think God began to show me what it means to be a child that day when i sat next to my dad late at night that one time, looking at all the crazy unheard-of places he's been to through Google Earth. i think that was when the child who's been repressed in my heart for so long finally had a chance to peek out, to open the door and realize that there's an entire world out there for her to meet, for her to experience, for her to explore.

..and this child that had simply glimpsed at what lay beyond those doors finally had the courage to step out of her chamber and to see, to feel, to smell, to hear, and to taste for herself all that God had once called "good". very good.

it's so amazing how we believe in a God that redeems the broken things in our lives to bring something that is much, much greater, something much, much richer. i think before that day, i never knew what it meant to be a real daughter. sure, i called myself a daughter of God, but i never knew what it meant to be one, to take delight in the little love notes he drops in a trail leading to his heart. i think that's why i love taking pictures of what may seem to many as random things. i think that's why i am so easily amused, so easily excited, so easily in AWE, so easily in WONDER. i can't really explain it, but i just...LOVE it.

i LOVE being a child. i LOVE being a child of the Most High King.
i LOVE being a child of the most perfect Dad, one who knows every little way of bringing laughter to my heart.

to LAUGH. to DREAM. to desire for MORE. to ASK without hesitation. to ENJOY. to DELIGHT. to BE.

(i pray that) never will this child shut herself back inside.