Monday, March 30, 2009

here it is FINALLY!! nic journal!! :D

i finally got a hold of pictures. thank you for patiently waiting!! :)


Missions to Nicaragua: Spring 2009.

This year, our team of 20 went to the new site of Cristo Rey to build a well for the less-than-a-year-old community that had been displaced by the floods in October.



It seems like it's out in the middle of the desert because...it is.

The well we dug was supposed to be about 50ft deep. Just think about a five-story building.

From this...


deeper...



and deeper.



We also built bathroom stalls so that people (especially women) won't have to risk being endangered.



In this community, there are a lot of children as the average households have three or more kids. Our team had an amazing time playing with them.


...or so I hear. "Where is Joanne all this time?" you may ask. Sad to say, I was not able to participate in digging the well or playing with the kids because of my weaksauce knees (I was banned from doing hard labor). I didn't even make a scratch in the well to say that I helped to dig it. But that entire week, this is what I did:



I am pointing at this:




While the majority of the team was out in the hot sun for hours at a time, Danielle and I spent all our time in shacks made out of metal plates and cardboard - in their homes.



...giving eye examinations and passing out reading glasses for free.



Danielle is a grad student in the Berkeley School of Optometry who came to Nic with us for the first time this spring. It was the first time anyone on our team could actively use our specialized skills for God's Kingdom. It was such a blessing to have her on our team, setting aside her own finances to pay for all 300 reading glasses out of her own pocket.

This is what every morning looked like as we drove into Cristo Rey after an hour-long drive: 30 to 40 people waiting for four hours since dawn to get their (and their friends' and family's) eyes checked. When we announced that we were going to hold free clinics, word spread like wildfire.



The first day was a little slow as the both of us were getting used to carrying out the examinations, but by the start of the second day, Danielle and I tag-teamed different stations to check up on over 150 patients by the end of the week.



After four days, we held a revival service. Earlier that day, the team went throughout Cristo Rey, visiting home to home and inviting families to join us for the service and the feast we were to hold - a feast of rice and beans and a HUGE pig that could feed more than plenty.

God had worked through our time and energy spent digging the well, playing with children and holding eye exams to soften the hearts of the people.



It was amazing to see, among the 200 or so men and women and children that came, many who brought their new glasses with them.




People in that community were so hungry for God, a God that pursues them, a God that seeks to love each and every one of them regardless of who they are or what they've done.



Our time in Cristo Rey was short, but not without God leaving a legacy. More than two hundred people were reached out to that week - and more to come with the completion of the well. Your open ears and hearts and hands to my story has made this possible. Thank you for being a part of my life, and I pray that God will continue to bring you and I closer together. :)


I hope to see the completed well this summer (my fourth time to Nicaragua!!) from July 5 to 18. God is continuing to expand His Kingdom in Nicaragua...as well as in the neighboring countries of Honduras and El Salvador. This time, Livingwater Church will be sending a team of four to these countries to scout for new locations to send future teams.

I can't WAIT to see how God will move this summer, how He will move His hand across Central America. :)

If you find it in your heart, please keep our team in your thoughts. Each one of us has to raise $2500 to provide for travel expenses, lodging, food and the like. If you would like to continue to participate in the Writing of this Story financially, you can make a donation on our church website (link below).


http://www.livingwaterberkeley.org/web/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=92&Itemid=70&321070a1dca4fc8bb414dacc4da6666f=ad96c8af73240d57f87040be89b38263

Please write, "This donation goes toward Joanne Kim's Nicaragua missions" under the "purpose" box at the checkout. (Ask me for the tax deduction code!)

If you have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to email me at vtodai@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading this and for being such a HUGE part of my life!! Totally unexaggerated! :)



__________________________________________________
Below is a copy of my journal entry while I was in Nicaragua. It might not make sense (after all, it was written mainly for my own sake), as it is a more raw account of what happened this spring. But feel free to take a peek into this crazy mind :)


march 22. sunday.

3am.
in the plane to el salvador.

i still can't believe that You've brought me to nic again for the third time. wasn't once enough? wasn't twice enough? why a third time?

this might be something i might not understand now, or in a year, or in ten years.
...but in good time, in Your time, You will reveal what You have kept hidden.

in Your time, Your glory will be revealed.

...what a thought. :)

[Isaiah 65: 17-19, 24]

17 Behold, I will create
new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
nor will they come to mind.

18 But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight,
and it's people a joy.

19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and crying
will be heard in it no more
.


24 Before they call I will answer,
while they are still speaking I will hear.


the word of the Lord. :)

__________________

7pm. first day in nic!

jj + tino + pastor cordon. :)

shotguns. after the rigged election in november 2008 that led to an opposition uprising, the political climate has been more and more sensitive and tense.

God, would you move in and beyond the system.


cristo rey. a community of 450 families whose homes have been destroyed by the flood last october. cardboard and metal plates serving as walls of this community deprived of electricity and clean water.

poso = well. posero = welldigger.


queremos ser poseros, Señor.

___________________________________
march 23. monday
. second day.

4:30am. no bug bites. PTL!! :)

in silence with Your Word:
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world.
[John 16:33]

All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. [7:10]
__________________
10:30pm. WTC, God. WTC. :)

vision ministry. PTL for danielle!! :)
who knew that God would have me be a part of this.
maybe i should change my major. :p

God, would you make the blind see colors.

the drive. you use my weakness to shed light to others.
dinner talk with emily. what God has taught me.
nic sp2008: God has the power to do all he has promised.
nic sum2008: it is time for you to heal.

debrief: [2 Corinthians 12:1-10]
I must go on boasting.

why do bad things happen to good people?
= a thorn in my flesh
:
- to keep us humble.
- to make us dependent on Him.
- to demonstrate His grace.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. [v.9]
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses. For Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses. [v.10] For when I am weak, then I am strong.


i will hold on to the promises of God:
God will restore to the full what was lost and will bring restoration through me to the ends of the earth.

Where I go, You will go Because You dwell in Your Temple You dwell within me.


nic sp2008: God has the power to do all he has promised.
nic sum2008: it is time for you to heal.
nic sp2009: holding on to the promises of God.


PTL. :)

___________________________________
march 24. tuesday. third day.

8pm. revival at la iglesia nazarena de tipitapa!!

solo cristo.

did you know that God made a bet on you?
that God believes, trusts in you?

put on the full armor of God, not just the helmet of salvation.

__________________
11pm. panic.

i don't understand. what are you trying to teach me?

today was a hard, hard day.


1) girl who can't hear or speak.
i can't do anything to help her.
total powerlessness. nothing i can do...but to pray.

Do you believe that I could heal?


2) woman who can't walk or bear children.
i don't know what to say.
i don't know what to pray.

Do you believe that I could heal emotional wounds, but not physical ones?

3) pablo - coughing.
this is not what i expected/hoped for.
i wish things could have been different.

Do you believe that I could heal small physical ailments?
4) panic.
i can't control it. i can't do anything.
my body reacts to triggers.

Do you believe that I could heal?


Holding on to the promises of God.
God will restore to the full what was lost and will bring restoration through me to the ends of the earth.

...i'm so tired. what a day.

___________________________________
march 24. wednesday. fourth day.

1am. WTC. thanks for joey. what a brother. :)

job. suffering. death. two jewels.

if adam and eve never sinned,
there would be no death.

if there was no death,
there would be no resurrection.


if adam and eve never sinned,
we would never have been able to see
the full extent of God's love.

...what a Mighty God we serve.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
__________________
1pm. cancer hospital for children.
God, they are so beautiful.

Your eternal life begins when you come in.
Death has been defeated. PTL.

__________________
9pm. debrief.

how do you begin your day?

God doesn't evaluate us in how much we do,
but in how much we rest in Him.

it is God who does everything.
He begins our day for us.
We wake up to a work in progress.

__________________
11:26pm. planting seeds. tomorrow is a BIG day. D-Day.

clinic. checked about 70 people so far.
praise God for danielle. a Godsend. :)

healing. i still don't understand.
teach me. help me understand.

___________________________________
march 26. thursday. fifth day.

8:30pm. i don't understand the gifts of the Spirit.
but i don't want gifts. i want You.

i'm not satisfied. i want more of You.


i wonder what will happen to that deaf and mute girl.

i don't want to see to believe.
i want to believe. and see.


i didn't touch the well at all. bummer?


i don't want my walk with You to be like others'.
i want my walk with You to be mine.

__________________
10pm. God is just.

God has the best intentions for us.

maybe the girl and her mother didn't visit for them.
maybe it was for me.


You are just. God, You are just.

I don't understand why you do the things the way you do.
...but i trust (help me to trust) that all things are
in the palm of Your hand
.



girl who is deaf and mute.
i can't do anything to help her.
total powerlessness. nothing i can do...but to pray.


God has her life in His hands.
He is just, so don't worry.
He will reveal His glory in His timing.

...so trust in His Justice.

...this is the way You speak to me. gloria a Dios.
Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in His life. [John 9:3]
___________________________________
march 28. saturday. seventh day.

12:50am. what a long day.

ventarron. kids are growing fast.

talk with june. :)

__________________
1:50am. last day! seventh day.

i give this trip...7/10 --> 8/10

building a solid layer
instead of a spiritual high.
-- stability?

__________________
7:30am. i came to nic expecting to see crazy things.
...but what i needed was not a emotional or spiritual high,
but a layer of solid foundation.

God, what is my next step?
...for Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a Light unto my path.

__________________
12:30pm. shopping + lake + AWESOME FOOD (thanks charlie!!)

i want to come back.
why? i don't know.
but i want to come back.

__________________
5:30pm. back on the plane.

what a week. i would have never imagined this week to turn out the way it did.

jj. tino. pastor cordon. pastor odel y aholibama.

ventarron. antonia. fatima. ana malana.

cristo rey. bryan. jenny. deaf and mute girl.

may they always be in Your hands.


"God is Just."
how will You reveal your glory at home?
how will You bring nic back to berkeley?

__________________
7:3opm. [Job 12:7-10]
7 But ask the animals,
and they will teach you,
or the birds of the air,
and they will tell you,

8 or speak to the earth,
and it will teach you,
or let the fish of the sea
inform you.

9 Which of these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?

10 In his hand is the life of every creature
and the breath of all mankind.

___________________________________
march 29. sunday.

12:45pm. back at livingwater.

i traveled 3000 miles to learn that You are just.

where do i go from here?

i feel like i never left.
but something has changed.

__________________
5:30pm. last debrief.

i've learned the most from this trip
after i got back from nic.

PTL. :)

we know that You are doing a good work in us.
we want more.
i want more.
i don't want to settle for less,
but to delve deeper into You.


i give this trip a 10/10. :)

the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! :D

thanks everyone!! i've never had a birthday quite like this. :D

so. it all started yesterday with a card from the nic team <3>


...and punches from annie. punkster. :p

then, i had dinner with the mum at tsing tao on solano. kkanpoong calimari and jjajangmyun and green been in black bean garlic sauce. mmmmm soooooo good!! :)

as birthday presents, momma gave me $100 (so that i wouldn't have to scrape the bottom of the barrel for a while) and some wine soda. i (and prolly she herself) thought that it was half-wine, half soda...but it turns out it's
all soda. just wine-ish. deceptive!! anyway. it's pretty looking. :D




then i came back home, tried to get some work done,
failed, then opened a bottle of soda, waiting for genaster to come home around 11ish. i was pretty wiped out, i guess from a whole week of constantly moving, so i decided to take a nap til about 12:15. then genaster socked me while i was in bed and gave me some cake (tiramisu!! :D) and this:



hee. i heart genaster!! :D

i hit the sack afterwards, only to wake up from the bombarding of text messages at midnight. people. :)


this morning started off with my 830am class.
having to go to all my classes weren't so hot, but eh. whatev.

...it just feels weird how it feels like i never left for nic. :p everything seemed normal except for the fact that God taught me so much since before i left...and that i was getting my japanese mixed up with spanish. i don't know why, but they sound the same to me. :p

oh. and mi bears lair buddy rachel m. lee came by. i couldn't wait for her to come and treat me to tacos from el tacontento (or whatever it's called. the mexican place. :p), so i bought it myself. then she got mad at me. kinda. not really. but she treated me to jugo de mango-fresas!! sooooooo good!! (especially since it was up-sized by the owner. :D) i heart rachel!!

anyway. i finished my classes and came back home after bumping into jianni. then i checked my email and stumbled across this birthday e-card from annie. too bad i can't upload the whole thing here...it was AWESOME. it by itself made my day (but don't tell her that. :p). something along the lines of "happy birthday...or else!!" :D




annie. you's a funny enemy-for-life. :)


how different monday feels without work. so liberating. :)

anyway. i decided to sabbath for my birthday.
best decision ever. kekeke. :D

i played some guitar, sang for a bit, worked on a couple songs, and read some job. mang. what a book. i read half of it on the plane and it was SO GOOD. questions like:
"why is there evil in the world?"
"why is there pain, suffering, and heartache?"
"how can the justice of an almighty God be defeated in the face of evil, especially human suffering - and even more particularly, the suffering of the innocent?"

God put on my heart the book of job during nic through PT's message. i've read it before, but it never occured to me how profoundly relevant it is to my life and to things that surround me. a lot of unanswered questions, but i know that God will reveal everything i have to know in His time. it's weird how God has me reading this book at this point in my life. what God timing. :)

anyway. i will blog more about job another time.
it's worthy of its own column. :)

back to the rest of today:
genaster and kat to the makster took me out to dinner at manpuku - shoyu ramen and negihama roll and saba nigiri (<3!!)







...this is me trying to horde all the food. :p




oh. btw. my nic bracelet broke. :'(



...but i put on a new one i got from nic. :)




kat mak treated me to ici - earl grey and orange-currant. SOO GOOD. :)



after all this totally amazingness, we came to sacks and got an awesome seat next to the window (and outlet. hee). so now i'm blogging away here at sacks, having finished my amazing ici ice cream and while listening to "open my eyes" by hillsong (SOOOOO GOOD!! i can't believe i haven't listened to it til now. now i'm listening to it on repeat one for the 21st time. just 20-30 more times to go. :D)


the best part of today was that God was a part of everything that came by today. sabbaths are so awesome. i want to learn to integrate it into every day of the week, not just fridays or birthdays. :)

...to
rest is to walk with God. :D

i celebrate because of all the Godsends. :)




...and now that i finished this blog, i'm going to start typing up my nic journal fo y'all folks. stay tuned!! :D

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Fall of Rest

just some notes from today's AWESOME sermon. :)

Genesis 3:1-19

the origin of restlessness, busyness = sin.

what is sin?
- disobedience:
settling for leaves when God has fruit in store for your life.

- trampling on other people to make yourself elevated or safe.


you can't rest when there is
no peace in the community,
no peace with your neighbor.

"I am just as good as you."
"I am better than you."

i need to control what others think about me --> restlessness.



how can we find rest in this?
1) hold on to the promises of God.
"Did God really say...?" = pshhhh. --> making God a liar.

believing in the lie, not in the promises of God.

2) in your rest, find yourself in the presence of God.
even when Adam fell, God still walked in the garden.
walked = being a friend.

maybe if they didn't hide,
there would have been grace since Creation.

to rest is not to hide.
to
rest is to walk with God.
btw. i freakin love my church. :)
hello lovelies. will post nic journal soon!! :D

Friday, March 20, 2009

Nothing in you that has not died
will ever be raised from the dead.

- C.S. Lewis

just wondering.

if you could ask me whatever question, what would you ask?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

me viniste a rescatar

Vengo ante ti postrado,
Con todo mi ser te quiero ver.
Tuyo soy, Señor.

Mi vida pongo en tus manos,
Dios de gracia, vengo en humildad.
En tu presencia quiero estar.

Clamé, me oíste, me viniste a rescatar,
Contigo quiero estar.


Con mi fe te exaltaré,
Con mi amor te exaltaré,
Con mi ser te exaltaré.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

sometimes you just AMAZE me.

it's been less than a year since nic,
less than a year since wisex,
less than a year since q&a,
...and i'm already having a lager with lauren ho. (and jpear)

ptL!! :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

let's see what God has planned for 2009

today marks the first anniversary of being at livingwater.
i remember, one year ago today, being commissioned with 18 people i didn't really know to go and build a church in ventarron.

...and God has flipped my world upside-down and inside-out since.


six days before i leave for nic for the third time. crazy.

time to open a new chapter. :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

sabbath i heart!! :)

today started out quite uneventfully. after class, i had NO IDEA what to do. usually around this time on fridays i at least have some sense of which direction to go. but today? eh. i went straight to bear's lair cause i was HUNGRY. got the usual regular soft taco (i'm surprised i'm not sick of it yet :p) and sat for a good while. i figured i'd be doing some read-cs lewis-at-a-cafe today, but it turns out that's not what God had in mind. i needed some quiet today...but where to find it? i walked up to strada, but it was like HECKA PACKED, so i quickly walked by and went to sweethearts cause i suddenly craved some pepero...or pocky. whichever. :p

so i got meself a box and some boba and wandered around for a quiet place to sit and...sit. i ended up going to memorial glade, which turns out was pretty packed as well. but i didn't really wanna walk anymore, so i just picked a spot and sat.

it was a purty gorgeous day with the sun and clear skies and all, but for some reason i didn't want to look at anything. i just wanted to listen. so i laid back and covered my eyes with my hoodie and did just that.

...and mang, how good it felt. i just listened to the different sounds around me - people chattering, birds chirping, breeze breezing, etc. all in pitch darkness. hee. quite the stuff. :)

i did that for a good 45 minutes and then sat back up. suddenly i had a craving to draw. what to draw, i didn't know. but i stared at my journal for a good two minutes and this is what came out:



it was a pretty quick sketch, and soon again i looked around for things to draw, but none seemed quite right.

then a cool thought came to mind, so i put let my pencil run:



the right hand (as you could guess) was HECKA hard to draw. :p
i was planning on doing one of those picture-in-a-picture-in-a-picture thing, but by the time i was done with this, it got pretty cold (and i could no longer stand the obnoxiously loud people who came halfway through drawing this :p). so i packed my bag and came home.

i used to draw a lot when i was a kid, but somehow i stopped.
thank God for reminding me of how fun it is!!:)

i came into my room and was surprised (but not really) of how quiet it was - much more than where i walked around today . it was weird how this whole time i looked for a quiet place to sit, when all i had to do was just come home. anyway. i opened my box of pepero (which i will compare with pocky sometime in my life to see which one is better...if indeed there is a difference. :p) and read some mere christianity until genaster got hungry for sushi.

we debated between minami (the place in front of asian ghetto) and nanairo (the place on our block) and decided to try the latter. it turns out, BAD CHOICE. i got my usual - grilled salmon skin/cucumber roll, hamachi/green onion roll, and two-piece mackerel, but was kinda disappointed. i'm not super pro with sushi, but the rice was weird, the rice-sashimi balance was off, and (gasp) the mackerel wasn't fresh. tsk tsk. i gave the place a 6/10, and when the waitress took away my miso soup when i didn't even finish it, i gave it a 5.

...but gena decided to treat me out. that bumped it up to a 7. :)

afterwards, we decided to walk off our less-than-ideal meal by wandering along shattuck, and ended up going to the nearby local bookstore. <3. i, as usual, went directly to the children's corner and found these $3 lovelies. :)



(you could read them when you come over. kekeke. :D)

yessum. today was quite a delightful day. didn't expect for today to turn out the way it did, but hey, that's how every sabbath has been, so, keke thanks God i heart!! :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

coffee hour with pj

finally! i've been looking forward to this for WEEKS. :)

life has been interestingly difficult for the past two weeks, and last week in particular was definitely full of AHHHHHH. what spiced things even more was when pj and joey called me at the same time last thursday. i was thinking, "dang. what did i do now?" :p i sent an email to some people earlier in the week asking for prayer, so i suppose that was what joey wanted to talk about. but when pj left me a message, i thought, "wow, things must be pretty serious".

it turns out pj just wanted to remind me about coffee hour. i wasn't sure whether he knew about what happened this week (although he probably did), so i kept things really vague while talking to him on the phone, just to save it up for today's talk. but when pj said on the phone, "i think i know what you're struggling with," i was like, "shoot," and got kinda anxious, nervous, and excited to hear what he had to say.

...but we ended up not talking about it AT ALL. it was kinda interesting, as i was just waiting the whole hour for him to say something. oh well. i guess another time. :p

anyway. this is what he did talk about:
iv small group:
how it's been a continuation of lgbt prayer and nicaragua.
lw small group:
how i'm responding to the news.
thanksgiving-winter break:
how i decided to turn from God.
my place in livingwater:
how i've been trying to find a place where i could "fit in".
my "ministry":
how i have a very unique ministry and how a calling is set out just for me. (i was hoping he would tell me what it is. :p)
my songs:
what God is doing through my songs.
stability:
how i lack it in my life. it turns out that this little brain is pretty packed with all kinds of stuff, and that i need a little help sorting things out. i need to find stability in God.

to conclude, he told me three things:

1) keep writing songs. keep sharing.
your songs have depth because you've been in deep places.
your songs are testimonies to others.
your songs are therapy...to you.

2) you have a special calling in your life. find out what that is.
you are different. you are unique. you were not meant to fit in. you're like a triangle trying to fit in a square hole. stop trying so hard to fit into a place you were never meant to be and find a calling that God has for you, for only then will you find peace, only then you will find joy, only then you will find life.

3) celebrate.
see and recognize the good things God is doing in your life, and be in a posture of celebrating and thanksgiving instead of dwelling on the bad things (i.e. fear) that do you no good.


today's coffee hour didn't turn out the way i planned.
it turned out the way God planned, so it was much better. :)


i celebrate because i was meant to be different.
i celebrate because God has brought me to livingwater.
i celebrate because God is who he is, and i am not.

Monday, March 9, 2009

sigh. :p

i have slowly become one of those people who put the same song
on repeat for like...forever. :p

recent playlist:
1) mario kart love song - sam hart <3
2) none but jesus - hillsong
3) where i go
4) bless the lord - jason morant
5) divine romance - phil wickham
6) gravity
7) brown noise - listened to it like...447 times. good fo study! :)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

today confused me. a LOT. :p

...what timing.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

what God does with my insecurities

Where I Go (click!) - Gcap5
Verse 1:
Your Spirit covers me
I'll never be alone
Your Spirit covers me
And overwhelms my soul

Pre-chorus:
So I have nothing I should fear
For where I go, there You are

Chorus:
Where I go, You will go
Where I step, You will tread
Where I go, You will go
Cause You dwell in Your temple
Dwell within me

Verse 2:
Your Spirit covers me
You'll never leave my side
Your Spirit covers me
And turns my darkness into light

"For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.
" [2 Corinthians 6:16]
"You embody God's face, His hands and feet.
There's nothing to be ashamed of!!
Keep your head up."

i want to just be me. not you. not him. not her. me.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

i want a discipler.
少数派。
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words may crush my soul.
i want to see sunrise in the rain.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

i feel like my heart is about to explode.

Monday, March 2, 2009