coffee hour with pj

finally! i've been looking forward to this for WEEKS. :)

life has been interestingly difficult for the past two weeks, and last week in particular was definitely full of AHHHHHH. what spiced things even more was when pj and joey called me at the same time last thursday. i was thinking, "dang. what did i do now?" :p i sent an email to some people earlier in the week asking for prayer, so i suppose that was what joey wanted to talk about. but when pj left me a message, i thought, "wow, things must be pretty serious".

it turns out pj just wanted to remind me about coffee hour. i wasn't sure whether he knew about what happened this week (although he probably did), so i kept things really vague while talking to him on the phone, just to save it up for today's talk. but when pj said on the phone, "i think i know what you're struggling with," i was like, "shoot," and got kinda anxious, nervous, and excited to hear what he had to say.

...but we ended up not talking about it AT ALL. it was kinda interesting, as i was just waiting the whole hour for him to say something. oh well. i guess another time. :p

anyway. this is what he did talk about:
iv small group:
how it's been a continuation of lgbt prayer and nicaragua.
lw small group:
how i'm responding to the news.
thanksgiving-winter break:
how i decided to turn from God.
my place in livingwater:
how i've been trying to find a place where i could "fit in".
my "ministry":
how i have a very unique ministry and how a calling is set out just for me. (i was hoping he would tell me what it is. :p)
my songs:
what God is doing through my songs.
stability:
how i lack it in my life. it turns out that this little brain is pretty packed with all kinds of stuff, and that i need a little help sorting things out. i need to find stability in God.

to conclude, he told me three things:

1) keep writing songs. keep sharing.
your songs have depth because you've been in deep places.
your songs are testimonies to others.
your songs are therapy...to you.

2) you have a special calling in your life. find out what that is.
you are different. you are unique. you were not meant to fit in. you're like a triangle trying to fit in a square hole. stop trying so hard to fit into a place you were never meant to be and find a calling that God has for you, for only then will you find peace, only then you will find joy, only then you will find life.

3) celebrate.
see and recognize the good things God is doing in your life, and be in a posture of celebrating and thanksgiving instead of dwelling on the bad things (i.e. fear) that do you no good.


today's coffee hour didn't turn out the way i planned.
it turned out the way God planned, so it was much better. :)


i celebrate because i was meant to be different.
i celebrate because God has brought me to livingwater.
i celebrate because God is who he is, and i am not.