what i'm learning through coaching

omg the coaching manual is AMAZING. yay!

STEWARDSHIP
money:
i'm still all over the place, and might find myself on the opposite side of the spectrum in terms of how i use my money. i don't really have a problem with giving; rather i might have a problem with giving recklessly or giving too much (if this is, indeed, possible). i've drained my bank account with weekly offerings (perhaps more than what may be considered "appropriate"), tithes, the (gorgeous) painting i bought for nicaragua, expenses from my last nic trip, unexpected expenses for school and people, food, etc.

recently i have been scraping the bottom of the barrel, so i've tried making adjustments: buying one meal to serve as two (or skipping meals altogether), getting the dollar cheeseburger and two-for-a-dollar apple pies from mcdonalds every monday, having the $2.70 (now $2.73) regular soft taco from bear's lair for lunch pretty much every day of the week, settling for house coffee when i'm tempted to get the mocha (or the white mocha that everyone's been raving about), forgoing outings with friends that might involve expenses i can't afford, and so on.

even last night, i didn't want to get food from the ghetto (prices just seem to be rising higher and higher. sigh.), so i decided to go across the street to house of curries to get some naan. but when i saw that it was $1.65, i left to get the $1 one at naan n' curry. sigh. just to save a dollar.

as such, i tried thinking of ways i could make my bank account happier...at one point i even considered ending my support for my compassion child (i REBUKE this thought in the name of Jesus!!). i didn't want to have to constantly ask for money from my parents, not that i think that they'll get mad or they won't provide, but because i feel like i need to learn some sense of responsibility and develop some wisdom in how i use my resources.

growing up in a family that isn't so success-oriented, i didn't grow up wanting a lot of money. i loved and love my family just the way it is - low middle class. things are comfortable, and i can't ask for more, and it's liberating not having to worry about getting the newest version of the macbook/ipod/iphone or being able to live in a big, huge house when i grow up. my ipod finally died after being trampled on last summer, but i don't mind that it did. and the day is approaching for me to put my laptop to sleep, but i'm not freaking about it (besides maybe that i might lose my lecture notes if it crashes). i might get a car next year, but i don't really care what kind it is or whether it's new or fancy or whatnot - as long as it knows how to run. :p

while it's been liberating not having to worry about having more, it's also been liberating to give. it's weird calling myself generous, but i feel like God has made my heart this way - and several people have confirmed this. i feel little hesitation in giving - whether for offering, supporting others for missions (I'M SO EXCITED FOR OUR CHURCH THIS SUMMER!! WOOT!!), treating others out to dinner, buying that superexpensive painting (which i'm not even going to keep :p) to provide for the well we built, and the like. i love giving, to the point where i think it could be one of my talents. the widow with her two pennies? she's AWESOME, and i strive to be more like her. "for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 corinthians 9:7).

but things have come to the point where i can't do that anymore. i don't have money for offering - i put in whatever cash i have in my pocket on sunday; i don't know how much i could support those going on missions; i can't treat others out to dinner (though i REALLY REALLY want to); i don't have enough to make this month's payment for the painting; and i don't have the $100 to make a deposit for nic (i still owe my mom $300 for the last one).

sigh. it's all so humbling. it makes me wonder if it's possible to be an irresponsible steward by giving too much. or is what i'm doing okay and pleasing to the Lord? should i continue what i'm doing?

my friend told me last night that there are other ways to give to the Kingdom than giving to the church. having fellowship with people inevitably costs money, and (even though i would like to think that it isn't) my lack of money is becoming a hindrance in my relationships with others, especially those who have yet to know the love of God. so, for the time being, my plan is to divert my offerings into a "fellowship pool". we'll see how that goes. :p

i don't often hear about people who are in a situation like mine, so it makes it difficult to figure out whether i need to change my way of doing things, and if so, how. suggestions anyone? :p

time:
on a similar note, it didn't occur to me that i am also pretty bad at stewarding my time. i thought i was doing well in this area, considering how much time i spend in community and in fellowship through small groups, church, study hangouts, etc. but my week is so packed with meetings and whatnot (particularly with church people) that i find myself being super inflexible when unexpected invitations come along. it's so hard for me to find a time in my week to meet up with people (i have still yet to meet up with my friend, and we've been trying for four months. :p).

so. for next semester, i'm going to commit to a LOT less things so that God could do his work in the spontaneous. all y'all who are dying to go on a date with me, yay for you. :)


we are to live a life that bears fruit.