when did i become such a perfectionist?

i've been working on the nic dvd and journal for a total of about two months now, figuring how to work the systems, finding and fixing every single detail until i find something else wrong, checking the whole thing to see if everything's good (until i find something else that bugs me or catches my eye).

just with the journal, i finished writing it saturday night-sunday morning, forgoing sleep cause i was just in the right moment. i went to the copy center right afterwards before church, but so many things went wrong and so much money went to naught. i just told myself, "God, that's your money," and left it at that.

i came home yesterday, kinda bummed cause i didn't get to give it to people with the dvd as i had hoped. this morning, as soon as i woke up, i pulled out all the messed up copies and tried to figure out how to make it work with my and my sister's printer. and after another three hours, i finally produced the very first, non-messup copy of the journal. *cross fingers*

i don't think i've ever spent so much energy on any other schoolwork or project. i also don't think i've ever had as much fun as working on this project. just in writing the journal itself, it felt like i was traveling back in time and reexperiencing nic all over again, processing things that i didn't really have the chance to process. Thanks, Dad.

i've never known that i was such a perfectionist. or maybe i just started being one. or maybe it's only on things that actually really matter to me.

whatever the case, i just thought this whole thing was interesting.

i wanted this to be perfect, done to the best of my ability.



i gave it all i got, Dad.



dang that feels good.