update from st. louis.

i cried a lot today. the end.

enraptured.

rapture = a feeling of intense pleasure or joy,
from the Latin, raptura: 'seizing', 'carrying off'.

"being raised or lifted up out of oneself by divine power"

to be enraptured:
.......to be captured, seized, carried off by a
.....................passionate, crazy, consuming love.

passion = strong, barely controllable, intense desire.
from the Latin, pati: 'suffering'.

crazy = foolish, nonsensical, ridiculous, unimaginable.
completely unheard of, this-doesn't-make-sense-at-ALL-ness.

consume = completely devour, destroy, overwhelm.
from the Latin, consumere:
con- 'altogether' + sumere 'take up' = to take the whole self.


to be enraptured,
.......to be captivated ("made captive") by such a love,
...............a desire, a hunger, a thirst for You that just
......................moves me to action, compels me to move.






...how can i NOT sing to You?

...

if God disappeared from my life RIGHT NOW...

...would my life look any different?




what a sobering thought.

isn't it weird that

you tend to NOT do things you should/are supposed to do when you have the time and ability to do so? call it procrastination and say "DUH" or whatever, but i really gotta whip into shape.

i'm not even spending that much time with God these days, even though i'm not doing much anyway.

and now that i DO have work to do, i end up saying,
"i'll do it later."




why do i give my God my leftovers?

blessings

"No eye has seen,
......no ear has heard,
..no mind has conceived
......what God has prepared
..............for those who love him."




...but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

[1 Corinthians 2:9-10]

:DDD

i have Reason to celebrate. :D

I WANT ONE. THE END.

The Year of the LORD's Favor

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion -
to bestow on them
a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Instead of their shame
my people will receive
a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit
a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.

[Isaiah 61:1-3, 7]

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me.
This is the year of the LORD's favor.
AMEN. :)

i just needed it somewhere. :)

this kid went from 310 views to 72100 views overnight. :O
and, in 2 minutes, it went up to 83,711. kraaajieeee :OOO

:)

say hello to Gon, my baby dinosaur. :)

okay now i can finally move on from this song. :)

really gotta get my own acoustic electric guitar.
chibi, i love you, but just gotta upgrade you or replace you.
(how shallow am i :p)

that was hard. brainfart FTW. :p

dayseized post 10.
dayseized post 11.

oh. one final down. two more to go. LETS DO THIS.

i'm back.

praise God.

i've been lazy.

but i should really get goin.

pj's message today about darkness hit home. this morning before church, i was just about to fall into it all over again: depression. it's not really something you "fall into", but it felt like i was just two breaths away from letting it take over me again like last year.

i still feel like it's very, very close. the thing about fighting against depression is that, once you're in it, or are getting "into" it, you have no hope about ever winning. so you give up, cause it's all to no use anyway. it's so self-defeating, so deadly, so deceiving.

i really do wish spring and summer would come sooner. winter just has never been a good season for me. EVER. i really don't understand what it is about this time of year that just makes things so much harder than it should.

one of the things about satan is that, once he gets a foothold on you, he does all he can to keep it there. and for the past 2-3 weeks, i've just let him do just that. i just let him.

darkness begets darkness. the longer you let it sit within you, the greater hold it's going to have on you. i didn't bother to take care of things when i should have rebuked them ASAP, and these things have slowly sapped my life away, to the point where i have started entering dangerous waters by asking myself, "what's the point? does it all matter? do i matter?"

.:.:.:.:.

i've heard it a million times before, but it didn't hit me until now (and i'm glad that i realize it now). for all that work darkness puts in to take over a part of your heart, once light enters, it doesn't stand a chance. once light shines, it's OVER.

have you ever seen a shadow wrestle with the light?
when you turn on the light in a dark, dark room, does the darkness resist? could it resist?

i need that kind of total, overwhelming, complete victory.
i need to claim it.

help me, jesus, cause i just can't do this myself.

dayseized post 9.

i miss ceramics.

dayseized post 6.
dayseized post 7.
dayseized post 8.

*YAWN*

'nuff said. :p

God is BIGGER...

than THIS.


so chillax. it's gonna be alright.

haven't really blogged in a while

...and i won't for another while. :p

but here is some other stuff.

dayseized post 5.

SABBATH 11.14.09!! <3

dayseized post 4.

new pictures!!

just cause i want it recorded somewhere. :)

dayseized post 3.

dayseized post 2.

dayseized post 1.

quote of the...week?

"God is speaking. Not God spoke, but God is speaking...
He fills the world with His speaking Voice."
.................................................................- A. Z. Tozer

how...

am i supposed to respond to this, God?

SABBATH 11.07.09!! <3

i had a very lovely day with the lovely miss sareen tak. God is doing a good work in the both of us, and i can't WAIT to see what he has in store. :) let's go on more dates together, yeah? :)
_________
kitty kept bothering me while i was readin them holy word.
...so i snapped a picture of her. :)

I put my heart in Your hands
Don't let go, don't let go
You hold my everything
Be gentle, be gentle

A Voice Calling Out

A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare the way for the LORD;
make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.

For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
.....................................................[Isaiah 40:3, 5]

spiritual gifts. just thought i'd put it out there. :)

i've taken this test a couple of times, and it sounds pretty accurate. don't trust it 100%, cause your gifts are something you discover along the way and many of them are still hidden/dormant. i've taken it once two years ago and again last month, and dang so much has changed for the better. :)

http://buildingchurch.net/g2s-i.htm

explanations of results are here:

http://buildingchurch.net/g2s-d.htm


results.......................10/2007.....10/2009....change:
administration................15 ................16
apostle ........................... 15.................17
discerning of spirits .......15 ................16
evangelism ......................11 ................15 ................ 4
ekballism .........................5 ................ 9
exhortation .................... 13................ 14
faith ..............................16 ................20 ................ 4
giving ............................12................ 20 ................ 8
healing ............................13 ................12
helps ............................. 16................ 18
hospitality ...................... 17 ................17
intercession ................... 12 .................14
interpretation of tongues 0 ..................0
knowledge ...................16 ................20 ................4
leadership .......................13 ................ 15
mercy ............................15 ................19 ................4
miracles ..........................10 ................12
missionary ..................18 ................20
prophecy .........................13 ................13
service ............................ 14 ................17
shepherd ......................16 ................18
teaching .......................15 ................19................ 4
speaking in tongues ........ 2 ..................3
voluntary poverty......10 ............... 18 ................8
wisdom ........................... 12 ................15


context:
10/2007
fall semester, sophomore year
post-urbana06

10/2009
fall semester, senior year
post-nicaragua
livingwater

top 9 10/2009:
20 faith
20 giving
20 knowledge
20 missionary
19 mercy
19 teaching
18 helps
18 shepherd
18 voluntary poverty

sounds about right, especially that last one. :)

SABBATH 10.31.09!! <3

sorry no blip for today. pictures are pretty self explanatory. :) click!

i am...

thankful that today happened. praise God.

:)

too bad it's sold out.

also, too bad that i don't have money to buy it anyway. :p

just so that i have a record of it somewhere. :)

http://junebugkim.tumblr.com/post/226240593/word-wednesdays-delight

i'm posting this everywhere but only because i think its cute. :)

"if you become the ambassador.. i will provide the best 막걸리 냉장고 (rice wine fridge) for you.."

oh daddy. :)

SABBATH 10.24.09!! <3

i think i had one of the BEST sabbaths EVER. :)

despite being in IMMENSE pain earlier today (from, say, 12:30am to 4:30? i think i had a spasm? weird. :p), God was DEFINITELY with me today. he gave me a song about dancing in the inner courts blah blah then finally let me sleep like the BEST sleep. AND, i naturally woke up half an hour before my alarm went off, which means that i wasn't interrupted today. :)

anyway. today i had the blessing of sharing my sabbath with the lovely miss june kim. we scheduled our coaching for today, which worked really well for the both of us (methinks :p). i wanted to go to the marina today, and since she's never been, i wanted to take her along with me.

after dropping mama off in oakland, i call june when i crossed the oakland-berk border, only to realize that it takes FREAKIN long to get to her place because of alskdjglkfjgsldkfjsd people driving at 10mph and laskjgldjflsdjfldsfkjdf people crossing the road whenever they feel like it. i hate driving in berkeley. =.=

ANYWAY. i pick june up at 11:15am and head off to cheeseboard, which is to open at 11:30. i pass by at 11:31, and there's already this HUGE line outside. june asks me if we could check out twig&fig sometime, and after failing at finding street parking, i park at andronicos, buy some hecka organic apple juice (dang it TASTES hecka organic mmmm :D), and decide to detour off to the twig&fig alleyway. might as well. :p

the last time i've been there was when i came with genaster. it was really good. just the ambiance of the place, the quietness, the chillaxedness. SO GOOD. june tells me she wants to learn how to do the little card-making, card-printing thing sometime in the future. i'm TOTALLY going to have her hook me up later. :)

afterwards, we check out love at first bite. i didn't get anything the last time i came here, and june treated me out to two cupcakes: green tea and red velvet. they look SO GOOD...but i still haven't tried them yet. they're still in the box on my desk. i shall devour them after finishing this blog. :)

it's so nice to just wander around with another person.
i'm blessed and thankful that it was june today. :)

we get cheeseboard and FINALLY set off to the marina. i BLAST "rain down" by jesusculture and both of us totally jam along. WHAT A GOOD SONG. :D

then we FINALLY get to our original destination. it was a little windy today but totally warm enough to sit on a bench and soak in the sun. we were both STARVING, so we just went straight for the food and decided to take pictures later. :)

before starting coaching, june asked if we could just sit and listen for a good 15 minutes. i love it that my buddy thinks the very same thing i'm thinking. :)

june lies down on the bench, while i bust out my camera and take some pictures (click!).

then we talk about evangelism, today's topic for coaching. i remember being the most uncomfortable with this section the last time i went through coaching, so i was a bit nervous. but i think God has placed certain people in both of our hearts and we've shared about it since the beginning of coaching, so it was good to hear how God is moving in our hearts. it helps a lot to have someone check up on me and reremind me of how God gives us chances to share the goodness of Jesus to those around us.

since we set a timelimit to our little venture from 11am-2pm, and since it was already 2:30, we decide to call it a day and to just come back and play another day. june tells me that she's thankful that i'm her coach, and i tell her that I'M thankful that she's my coachee. then we both tell each other that we both talk behind each other's back about each other.

oh june, how you make my heart laugh. :)

anyway. i drop june off and decide that i kinda want to drive for a little while longer. i tried to go up to the lawrence hall of science cause i just felt like it would be GORGEOUS to drive through the hills when the leaves were changing colors, but they closed off the roads for the cal game. oh well. another day. :p

i don't turn on hearst, but continue down gayley. i don't actually know where i am, but decide to just float around. then i end up in the park behind cheeseboard and decide to walk around and take pictures. (click!)

i think i really like taking pictures of flowers and paths. so random, i don't know, but God comforts my heart whenever i do. interesting. :p

anyway. after walking a couple blocks, i come back down to my car. i suddenly remember about indian rock and start driving off towards kensington. the last time i went there was with kathleen, so it brought good memories.

so i'm driving up to the marin circle and...it turns out...i don't actually KNOW how to get there. :p all i remember is that it's near where my ex lived, so i drive up this hill, but it turns out, i don't remember where he lives either. dang. :p i just drive around a bit more, and finally FIND it, but i was kinda already ready for a nap and decide to come back another time.

maybe i'll pull someone else along. :)

yessss. i just had a very very VERY good day today (to be concluded by a VERY good nap) and so i'm writing here now, uploading pictures, to report back to my lovelies. :)

i am very RICHLY BLESSED. thank you jesus. :)

to conclude. it's not from today, but i just like this picture.
i took it walking home one day. i live at the end of it. :)

(i think i'm either getting sick or healing from it, so please pray for me. thanks!! :) )

something to think about...later (maybe).

...cause i really really gotta work on this paper. :p


God is good all the time regardless of whether we think he is.

Those who accepted Christ are the children of God
regardless of whether we think we are.


...some things are just not dependent on what we think.

:)

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/vtodai

i heart my small group!! :D

today's bible study was about honoring your parents. each one of us went around sharing about our relationships with our parents, specifically about our relationships with our mothers and with our fathers individually. i was one of the first people to share, so i shared my portion (being aware of how much time i was spending) and popcorned off to the next person. but as time went on and as i listened to the other girls share, i realize that i had much, much more to share about my relationship with my parents.

i think the reason why i'm able to dream and have a heart of a child today in this harshly realistic world is because...i never had the chance to be one. as i took a drive after sg to pray and to just sit in silence and listen, God revealed to me why i am who i am now. i realize that i never allowed myself to enjoy the things around me, to be in wonder and in awe at the things that seem so trivial to the "grown-up" mind. having moved around several times and experiencing heartache from losing friends even when i had finally settled down in berkeley, i was bitter. this bitterness took root in my heart from such an early age, from when i was in kindergarten, bypassing all those years of what could have been my childhood.

looking back on this, it's no wonder why the notion of being a child is so new and refreshing to this "post-child" soul.

i think God began to show me what it means to be a child that day when i sat next to my dad late at night that one time, looking at all the crazy unheard-of places he's been to through Google Earth. i think that was when the child who's been repressed in my heart for so long finally had a chance to peek out, to open the door and realize that there's an entire world out there for her to meet, for her to experience, for her to explore.

..and this child that had simply glimpsed at what lay beyond those doors finally had the courage to step out of her chamber and to see, to feel, to smell, to hear, and to taste for herself all that God had once called "good". very good.

it's so amazing how we believe in a God that redeems the broken things in our lives to bring something that is much, much greater, something much, much richer. i think before that day, i never knew what it meant to be a real daughter. sure, i called myself a daughter of God, but i never knew what it meant to be one, to take delight in the little love notes he drops in a trail leading to his heart. i think that's why i love taking pictures of what may seem to many as random things. i think that's why i am so easily amused, so easily excited, so easily in AWE, so easily in WONDER. i can't really explain it, but i just...LOVE it.

i LOVE being a child. i LOVE being a child of the Most High King.
i LOVE being a child of the most perfect Dad, one who knows every little way of bringing laughter to my heart.

to LAUGH. to DREAM. to desire for MORE. to ASK without hesitation. to ENJOY. to DELIGHT. to BE.

(i pray that) never will this child shut herself back inside.

i kinda feel like this...

ferreal. :p

trying not to give into my impulsive selfffff :p

i'm tempted to buy this t-shirt. but i really shouldn't.
but i sooo want tooooo :p

WHAT IF...

WHAT IF God is BEYOND capable?

Now to him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE
than all we ask or imagine.
[Ephesians 3:20]

WHAT IF God can handle ALL you have to bring?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your burdens?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your problems?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your complaints?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your past?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your present?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your future?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your desires?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your hopes?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your ambitions?

WHAT IF God can handle ALL your dreams?

Now to him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within US.
[Ephesians 3:20]

WHAT IF the same power that CONQUERED the grave
is in YOU?

DARE TO DREAM. HE CAN TAKE IT.

Now to him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within US, to HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
[Ephesians 3:20-21]

____________________________________________

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready
I know its time for heaven's rain, it's gonna rain

'Cause it's living water we desire
To flood our hearts with holy fire

Rain down, all around the world we're singing
Rain down, can you hear, the earth is singing
Rain down, my heart is dry but still I'm singing
Rain down, rain it down on me

Back to the start, my heart is heavy
Feels like it's time, to dream again
I see the clouds, and yes I'm ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands

Do not shut, Do not shut, Do not shut the heavens
But open up, open up, open up our hearts

[Rain Down - Deliriou5]

what anonymous enemies do. :)

click! :)

an update.

to do list for when i get back home:
- get unjetlagged.
- deposit itouch check.
- watch wicked.
- burn nic dvds, print nic journal and pictures.
- get a credit card.
- get reimbursed for nic stuff.
- make monies for urbana + flight.
- make monies for nic or future missions.
- make an outline of what i want to do after i graduate. ACK.
....ø (teach for america) --> peace corp --> (grad school) ------------------> IJM.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the summer.
....ø nicaragua --> peace corps.
....ø teach for america training (2 months)
- make an outline of what i want to do in the spring.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the winter.
....ø find out results from teach for america. (1/21)
- make an outline of what i want to do in the fall.
....ø apply for teach for america. (10/28)
..........ø phone interview (11/6-9)
..........ø final interview (12/1-4)
....ø apply for peace corps.
....ø look into/apply for world vision, compassion.
- make monies to pay for all this.
- PRAY.
- start checking off this list ASAP.


it feels so good to have a goal. :)

Genesis 11-12

I'll say Yes! Lord, Yes!
To Your will and to Your way.
I'll say Yes! Lord, Yes!
I will trust You and obey.

When Your Spirit speaks to me,
with my whole heart I'll agree.
And my answer will be Yes, Lord, Yes!

the things i do at 4:47am to celebrate the end of a midterm.

click! :)

a play on words.

some pairs are easier to distinguish than others. it's just kinda interesting to think about super late at night/super early in the morning. :p

faithless vs. unfaithful.

with faith vs. faithful.

childlike vs. childish.

dissatisfied vs. unsatisfied. (i don't get this one :p)

disqualified vs. unqualified.

chembio vs. biochem. (don't get this one either. :p)


...are there any more? 6am brain just don't do the job. :p

on a happier note...

my mama got a bug bite, and we ran out of the anti-itch benadryl ointment thing...so she crushed the edible tablets and mixed it with lotion...and you get the idea.

HAHAHA i'm my mama's daughter, proud of it what whatttt :DDD

=T

as a senior (yes, i finally am one), i feel seriously stuck in between the college group and young adult. you may say, well DUH, but yeah...sometimes i feel like i'm part of neither group. actually, all the time. i don't think i've ever really been a part of the college group (yes i have gone to events and have gotten along with some of the other college kids), and i'm obviously not a part of young adult, even though maybe half the people there think i already graduated. =.=a

anyway, this friday kinda confirmed this feeling of being neither here nor there. there was some misunderstanding about my tabling for missions at the young adult connect dinner, and so i ended up going as a young-adulter. i wasn't really planning on going to sf with the college group to begin with (sorry dudes, i'm not a fan of sf :p), so i wasn't bummed out when i (thought that i) was asked to table for YA, but was honestly a little excited and curious about how things at YA would be. you know. like a sneak peak.

i ended class early, so i waited at sacks until it was time to set-up. i forgot to make copies for the fliers that i made, but i found out that there was a copy center right next to 7-eleven. i went, passing by the church lawn to see the college kids congregated to head off to sf. they were still around by the time i finished making copies and came back, so i mingled for a little bit.

as expected, the people there were mostly newcomers, freshmen, sophomores, the younger crew. i don't really have any problems with this, and i should celebrate that God has been faithful to our church in bringing these people into our family, but in my honest heart i was a little sad...sad there was no one in a similar stage of life, sad that gena and kat mak and others were already in their next stage of life, sad that i didn't really have a community here in the college group.

consequently, i naturally looked forward to going to the young adult large group to see more familiar faces. but it turns out, i didn't find what i was expecting. there were a lot of people i've never met, never seen before, and a lot of people that i knew that i was hoping to see didn't come...PT's style of leading is definitely different from joey's or PJ's or letty's, and there was a definite difference in dynamic within the group. which was all FINE because it signifies that God has also been gracious to our young adult ministry in growing it...but it was so unsettling. furthermore, i had a feeling (at least just inside my head) that others were thinking, "why are you here? you're not young adult".

it sometimes scares me to think of going into young adult, not because of all the responsibilities and whatever of growing up, but because since i feel like people i feel more close to are moving ahead while i'm stuck here, by the time i actually get into young adult, everyone's going to be so much far ahead of me. and by the time i get there, it's not like the small senior class we have is all of a sudden going to blow up and i'll have people my age poppin up here and there. realistically, that's just what i think.

in this whole thing, i feel like i'm being left behind, and it makes me choke up sometimes. one of the things i thought i had gotten over (at least a lot more than how i used to be) was the notion of being alone. you know, people always say "God is right here with you", "you're never really alone" and whatnot, and yes, i do believe that. but while i believe that God created us to be in a relationship with him, i also believe that God created us to be in relationships with those around us. sometimes i honestly think that the answers given above are irresponsible cop-out answers. :p

yeah. i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing. i used to just hide these feelings to myself, and that got me into serious trouble a couple times. i'm not going to deny it or pretend that it doesn't exist anymore. this is my honest struggle, something i need to wrestle with God about.

...

i'm so tired. i wish there was something to help me transition better. but sometimes i think, because i don't even know if i'm going to stick around after i graduate, should i even bother?

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you.
[Psalm 42:5-6]

God's cute way of saying...

"FOCUS."

my first camera EVER. :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025747&l=fe93fe9429&id=1032810019

so....

i am 90% sure that i am going to drop this class...90% because i know taking this class is going to make me suffer in my other classes as well, and 10% because i know dropping this class is going to put me below units and place an extra class on my list of courses-to-take-to-graduate.

i am so in an ACK phase right now. this is all so unsettling because i have SO MUCH to do yet no answers as to what i should do. i looked up decals that i am shooting to get in, but all of them have already started as well. this is the fourth week of instruction, so it is highly unlikely that i could pull off the stunt i did with math 1b my freshman year when i decided to ditch engineering. (...maybe i should shoot for math 1a? =.=a)

sigh. i'm so frazzled. i want to do my best, but i'm hitting a wall.
jesus, i need your help and guidance and peace.

for the joy of the LORD is my strength. (nehemiah 8:10)

this is called...

"fail".

...how did i know. =.=a

so...i just took this on a whim and thought,
"...what if i get badtzmaru?" =.=a

Joanne completed the quiz "Which Sanrio Character Are You?"
with the result Badtz-Maru.

You're Badtz-Maru. You tend to attract more attention than others with your mischievous personality, but you still come off as "cool" in everyone's opinion. You often dream of greatness in your future.



...ooooook. =.=a

bible verse of the year

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
..........................................[Psalm 37:4]

i dare to dream.

i wonder...

so...i've looked up the different participants for the upcoming career fair, and i don't really feel any of them. except maybe peace corps. :p i can't imagine myself doing any of the internships that they offer, and i'm not too drawn to the whole "omgah we're like, the best company EVER" deal.

so...i started looking into peace corps, international justice mission, world vision and compassion. maybe i could start off with them and build experience? but then, i most likely need experience to gain experience...:p

i wonder, am i being to idealistic? am i not realistic enough?
is my head too up in the clouds?

or is this my way of being faithful? (i hope it is. duh. :p)

anyway. let's be faithful in the things i can do.

the rest is up to You, Dad.

If you tell me to swim the ocean
To the other side
If you tell me to climb a mountain
On these weary feet of mine
I know that You go before me
So I’ll follow right behind You
Your will be done in my life

to do list for when i get back home:
- get unjetlagged.
- deposit itouch check.
- watch wicked.
- burn nic dvds, print nic journal and pictures.
- get a credit card.
- get reimbursed for nic stuff.
- make monies for urbana + flight.
- make monies for nic or future missions.
- make an outline of what i want to do after i graduate. ACK.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the summer.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the spring.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the winter.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the fall.
- make monies to pay for all this.
- PRAY.
- start checking off this list ASAP.

when did i become such a perfectionist?

i've been working on the nic dvd and journal for a total of about two months now, figuring how to work the systems, finding and fixing every single detail until i find something else wrong, checking the whole thing to see if everything's good (until i find something else that bugs me or catches my eye).

just with the journal, i finished writing it saturday night-sunday morning, forgoing sleep cause i was just in the right moment. i went to the copy center right afterwards before church, but so many things went wrong and so much money went to naught. i just told myself, "God, that's your money," and left it at that.

i came home yesterday, kinda bummed cause i didn't get to give it to people with the dvd as i had hoped. this morning, as soon as i woke up, i pulled out all the messed up copies and tried to figure out how to make it work with my and my sister's printer. and after another three hours, i finally produced the very first, non-messup copy of the journal. *cross fingers*

i don't think i've ever spent so much energy on any other schoolwork or project. i also don't think i've ever had as much fun as working on this project. just in writing the journal itself, it felt like i was traveling back in time and reexperiencing nic all over again, processing things that i didn't really have the chance to process. Thanks, Dad.

i've never known that i was such a perfectionist. or maybe i just started being one. or maybe it's only on things that actually really matter to me.

whatever the case, i just thought this whole thing was interesting.

i wanted this to be perfect, done to the best of my ability.



i gave it all i got, Dad.



dang that feels good.

i lied.

...it takes me 20, not 30 minutes, to walk to school. :p

my earlier class got canceled today, so i decided to just walk to school. (probably would have taken me longer if i waited for the bus to come anyway. :p) anyway. it was pretty nice, got a chance to process the *shocking news* i learned of yesterday.

i've been debating on whether or not i should get a new ipod (RIP, my old one. :'() for a while now, but it's nice not having one sometimes. just to walk through the park (which is between my home and campus) without any soundtrack playing to distract me...quite the stuff yo. :)

yes. since school started, i thought i should just remind myself:

to do list for when i get back home:
- get unjetlagged.
- deposit itouch check.
- watch wicked.
- burn nic dvds, print nic journal and pictures.
- get a credit card.
- get reimbursed for nic stuff.
- make monies for urbana + flight.
- make monies for nic or future missions.
- make an outline of what i want to do after i graduate. ACK.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the summer.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the spring.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the winter.
- make an outline of what i want to do in the fall.
- make monies to pay for all this.
- start checking off this list ASAP.

just showing off my favorite toy. :)

540-piece puzzle globe. took me half a day to do it without looking at the picture. the end. :)

i want to go back.

i must have seen the videos and pictures from nic like almost a thousand times now, back to back, second by second. but i'm not sick of it. it just makes me want to go back, to see familiar faces again, to eat familiar foods again (but not chicken. ick. :p), to hear familiar songs again, to walk on familiar ground again.

i want to go back.

...if You are willing.

=.=a

i mixed up my japanese with my spanish and korean today. i guess i did do some studying over the summer. =____=

sigh. way to live your life. =.=a

so. in the past two days, i...

- missed my flight back to berk
- lost my phone
- forgot to bring my confirmation number to buy my schoolbooks
- broke my toe.

way to go, joanne kim. way to begin your last year of school. :p

how productive am i.

i finished three books during my stay here: "courage and calling" by gordon t. smith, "boundaries" by henry cloud and john townsend and "the weight of glory" by c.s. lewis. out of my two-books-a-month new year's resolution for a total of 24, i think i've now finished...8. not bad! only...16 more to go. :p it's ok if it's already nearing september, let's do ittttt :D

it's been getting progressively harder to blog since i've been here in korea. i think i'm losing consistency since i'm not in front of the computer all the time like i was back in the states. for one, i've been here, there, everywhere, going to the aquarium, watching performances and musicals, visiting relatives, playing video games with my dad, going screen golfing, watching failing at going to the local theme park three times, going shopping like every other day, watching weird korean tv shows, listening to stories about my mom and my dad when they were my age (kekeke :DDD), taking midnight walks with my banana milk, etc. etc. for another, i haven't really had a stable internet connection. i usually go to the starbucks next door since they have free internet, but paying $3.50 for an americano everyday is kinda much. :p i've been mooching off starbucks internet from the fourth floor of my dad's apartment building, but have had a less-than-ideal success rate combatting five or six mosquitoes with either my bare hands (i think i'm getting pretty good at it. caught another last night in midair. :D) or with my flipflops as a last resort. after two weeks of being here, i discovered that i get some connection in my dad's livingroom...but to use it requires be to keep the laptop on top of the oven on top of the microwave on top of the windowsill at a specific angle and at specific location (luckily not at a specific time of day). consequently i have to stand on my feet in order to use the internet. even in writing this blog (which i'm guessing has taken at least ten to fifteen minutes), my poor knees are starting to ache.

anyway. there is so much to process, so much to think about, and not enough of an appropriate venue to do it in. i would blog about it (selectively), but doing so would keel my knees. :p i would journal about it, but i'm still making excuses about my horrid handwriting and whatnot. i sometimes get scared of journaling. i don't know why. i just do. :p

yep. oh my how things have changed. what a crazy Dad i have. :)


____________________
a shoutout to my lovely sister and friend sarah choi!!
(i will write you a reply email...soon. :p)